Yes, its true. We can whine or complain that its unfair, but its just how it is right now. Men are for the most part expected to do most of the approaching. The only time women approach is if the guy is much more attractive than she is. Now, this doesn’t have to be looks. It could be that he has an amazing charisma (inner-game) so women approach him… But for the most part, women do expect you to be the one approaching. Let me share some lessons I’ve learned with you over the years…
I Used To Hate Approaching
I use to dread approaching women, heck I even had a few years when I swore off of it… and to some extent that’s still left. I still never ever approach a woman “cold” in order to “hit on her”. In essence, I’m saving you years by telling you the following “No random woman has earned the right to you risking on her, just because she’s cute”.
Now, this doesn’t mean that you don’t TALK to women. See, this is the balanced, nuanced eventual point I’ve reached. I know that most women do not appreciate or deserve to be approached… But at the same time I also know that the reality is women are more repressed in terms of being the first to make a move or show a sign.
So the effortless solution I’ve come up with is to meet them halfway.
What does this mean? You simply “make it easier for them”, but go no further than doing 50%. In essence, when I walk into say a party or a club, I do not have a goal of “hitting on” or “picking up women”. My goal is to let women seduce me. I do this by making this easy for them. I simply become the “social guy” and start chatting with everyone… This includes hot women, ugly women, guys… whatever.
When you do this, you’ve taken away the excuse from a woman. She can now feel safe to flirt and hit on you, since you two are already social. So change your mindset to “just being social with everyone” and you will find approaching is no longer work or an effort. Its only when you feel like you’re lifting most of the weight does it feel like hard work. If you make it a rule to only invest 50%, you will find approaching is easy and effortless.
Practical Example
I go into a club right? I put on this hyoooooge smile in my face that says I’m a friendly, fun-loving guy. I go so far as to almost look cheesy, and it should be a pretty good sign I don’t bite. Me and my friends now also start dancing, being loud and fun, and just generally being the most fun group in that place… This makes it a lot easier for women to show interest in you.
What will generally happen, is that 2-3 groups of girls, will (magically it seems) position themselves next to us… They will start dancing, smiling, maybe even bumping into us… Depending on their level of courage of course. Most don’t go further than that, so what generally tends to happen next… Is that me or one my friends will make an innocuous comment to one of these girls. Maybe he’ll comment on her tattoo, the band, ask her where she got her hat, or if he can place his drink on their table… And he’ll LEAVE IT AT THAT.
This is the crucial part you see… He will not attempt to pick the up, try to make them like him or anything of the sort. He just simply is telling them its ok to be social. He’s broken the ice, and that’s that. Maybe asks about the tatoo, smiles and continues talking to all of us. At this point he’s given her all that she needs to show more interest. She can either re-continue the conversation later on (many do this), or she can just continue staring and smiling at him (or one of us).
What will generally happen, is that throughout the night, a few women will start staring with a very obvious, direct intent… These women have EARNED the right to be approached. If a woman does that, then you go and you approach her, and talk more with her, and maybe even flirt and take it further. As we’re moving around the bar, we also say “hi” or smile or say “how are ya” to random girls. Just say it in passing, don’t even stop to see how they react.
This is almost like a “seeding” effect. It qualifies women if they’re worth investing more into… They will prove they’re worth investing more, if they track us down and re-initiate the conversation, or they stare and smile. This way they’ve earned the right to be approached.
I hope you don’t find this strategy too weird, because it really works. Not only do you end up meeting and picking up a lot more women… But approaching is extremely effortless and never feels like its work or likes its unfair!
But really dude there's no reason you should be confused about any of this. If you haven't taken the quiz to see how you stack up with women yet... Click here and see what your results are on the personal dating quiz.
