Some dude from yahoo answers had a cool question. Now, its obvious he hasnt taken my secret quiz, but ignore that, and focus on his question, and how I answer it.
Question: What are some of their main concerns? Rejection? Not wanting to sound desperate or pushy? What else runs in a man’s mind when he is thinking of approaching a woman?
Answer:
Are you kidding me? Most men would rather go to war in Iraq than approach a women which they don’t know!
The concerns are countless, although most of them are completely irrational. Some main concerns are actually hard-wired and evolutionary. Approaching a strange women will trigger fear of violence in most men. They will literary feel that they might be in great danger when approaching a woman. This is actually normal.
After that is the second biggest concern, rejection. Rejection is more of a conscious concern than the previous one, which is mostly unconscious. And you also have the fear of success sometimes. But this is more with men who have less experience with women.
A lot of times there is a fear that the interaction with the woman might be awkward, which hurts more than the actual rejection.
Let me illustrate it for you. When a sober man decides that he’s going to approach a women that he doesn’t know, his mind starts racing immediately with dozens of thoughts and excuses.
The main point is that the fear of approaching a strange woman is so strong that 90% of men don’t do it, at least not when they are sober.
But really dude there's no reason you should be confused about any of this. If you haven't taken the quiz to see how you stack up with women yet... Click here and see what your results are on the personal dating quiz.
{ 20 comments… read them below or add one }
Men get nervous. I don’t know how women feel first hand (not being one.)
I would guess that women feel nervous about not being asked out.
I’m sure some men get nervous, but some get belligerent (ie “that whore fcked everyone but me” type thing)
The fear of rejection is in anyone. It’s how you handle the rejection that makes you the kind of person you are.
I never get nervous when I approach a woman but then that’s probably because I dont fancy them and I would not have been on the make.
Men get nervous because of rejection and thats why they may fancy a really classy lady but are more likely to chat to an old slapper if all they want is sex.
This question is swimming in stereotype.
Oh yeah! Not for every man/woman, but yeah people handle nervousness differently, depending on their confidence/self-esteem/attitude.
Even if a guy feels nervous he should never show it otherwise women will turn him down flat.
I would be wary of someone who wasn’t nervous.
umm of course they do! who wouldn’t ! they are scared of rejection like most of us!
but the same fears you have i’m sure the men have to they just hide it better!
well some of them! lol
well you don’t want to say the wrong thing and look like a total douchebag.
Of course men get nervous and it is why some reflect any rejection upon the woman. ie, she must be a lesbo, stuck up or a feminist. Just a coping mechanism. Fortunately, I was not one.
You just try to find the right balance between confident not cocky, cute but not wimpy.
yes very much
Hey, she’s either going to say “Yes” or “No” (I don’t go for “Maybes”).
I’ve been married for a couple of years so I don’t run into this problem any more but I was never really nervous about approaching a female. They either find me attractive or they don’t. I’ve had some girls approach me. I think that takes a lot of guts but I probably shot down 80% of them (and they can really cop an attitude too) so I expected to get shot down 80% of the time. No harm, no foul.
“Just as nervous”? It is hard to imagine that women are nervous approaching men. It was my impression men would be totally thrilled to be approached, but I’m not a woman I don’t know what things you worry about.
The main thing for me is that I don’t want to approach women who seem like they don’t want to be approached. Growing up in the 80s/90s was a constant reminder of how we men are total jerks for harrassing women and they don’t care for that so we should leave them alone. So if I get any indication women they want to be left alone I leave them alone. This has caused many issues because sometimes women like to play cat and mouse and test a guy’s interest. So this almost always leaves them thinking that I am not interested in them. In actuality this perception is just a result of women being classified as “off limits” due to the persistant anti harrassment propoganda I was exposed to when young.
Generally, yes, men are as nervous as women when approaching the opposite sex. They may fear sounding too desperate or fear rejection.
without respect to appearances, one may, in a vulgar way, think of women as falling into two broad categories: brood mares and riding fillies. Each class is interesting in it own right, but only the subclass of the truly intelligent and generally discerning can sober one up and cause him to feel tensely gratified to see an intellectual and personal possibility that he will fear he might lose. This makes him nervous for sure, for nothing is more painful than the disdain of an intelligent woman.
Men are more nervous and more brave at the same time.
I think everyone has some nervousness to some extent, but actually it’s not the rejection that made me nervous or the fear of that, it was actually the damn awkardness or fear of that from seemingly having nothing to talk about, that thought right there is what actually prevented me from approaching girls for a long time and not rejection.
I don’t mean like starting something up, but like after a subject is talked about and when your ready to continue it and then there’s just blankness, like a conversational block, kind of like writing block maybe. But that just happens with people I really know, which doesn’t mean it’s because I’m nervous with talking to the girl, but because it’s a new girl, the possibility of akward silence or freeze, bothered me, whereas if that happened with someone I knew I didn’t care.
Men are never scared, but women are.
I think pretty much all of what you wrote. I also think that it’s just easier renting a prostitute than actually chatting up women. These days I still chat up women, because my testicles make me. However, 99% of women are a turnoff, personality wise.
Bob