Some dude from yahoo answers had a cool question. Now, its obvious he hasnt taken my secret quiz, but ignore that, and focus on his question, and how I answer it.
Question: I’m already in my second year of college and I had this problem with approaching women. I’ve had it since high school and I’m not really looking for a relationship (more like casual dating) and I also like to make friends that are girls. But I always have this fear that I will get HOSTILE attitudes from them and so I don’t bother at all. I don’t have many friends at school to have that emotional support. So, any tips on discarding this fear of hostility.
Answer: Sure. My best recommendation, just like in the quiz, is to START slow… You know, I have a SECRET for you, you’re not alone. I know you think you’re the only guy on the planet with this, but the truth is MOST guys are going through it, they’re just good at hiding it.
What you wanna do, is start off slow, focus on building a good social life and social skills. You’re in first year of school, there’s still a TON of time for you to do this, don’t feel like there’s a rush. In fact, feeling like you’re alone in this (the odd one), and feeling like you have to handle it tommorow, is what will create pressure in you… And that pressure screws you up and makes you even more anxious. Viscious loop if I’ve ever seen one.
What you wanna do is go “heck, its ok, I don’t care if it takes me TWO YEARS to get this handled, but I’ll get it handled, and I’m no rush” – But you have to honestly say this and believe it. If you do, you’ll probably get the results much faster, but you have to be ready to take two years if need be… Now, when you do… You then just break down the problem in smaller steps. Here are some:
1) Join as many groups/organizations/hobbies that force you to break out of your shell – think dance classes, language classes, university groups, yoga classes, whatever…
2) Completely let go of the need to be popular at social at these places, first just focus on getting into as many of these as possible, no one is super-popular or fits in from day 1 (except for the odd freaks of nature born with untold amounts of charisma)
3) After you’ve gotten used to having a life full of activities, start applying some of my tips to get used to socializing and befriending people. Focus on befriending and being social with EVERYONE. Not just girls, or hot girls… EVERYONE
{ 7 comments… read them below or add one }
You say that you don’t have many friends at school for emotional support. This probably means that you tend to enjoy smaller groups of people and don’t mind spending some time alone, you probably actually need it. Try to be more open and outgoing in general. As you get more comfortable with everyone, your fear of approaching girls will get better. Don’t be afraid to get the hostile attitudes from some of them because the ones you get it from aren’t the ones that you’ll want to date or be friends with. The more people that you branch out to, the more likely it is that there will be a girl in the group. Just treat her the same way as you do everyone else and things should work out. Once you start having more friends that are girls, talking to them won’t feel any different than talking to a guy. Unless you like her of course, then you just have to work through the butterflies like everyone else. Sorry but I can’t help you with that one, I haven’t figured it out for myself.
Don’t let your fear conquer you. Girls are just ordinary people like us and there’s nothing for you fear in them. They’re not different. Think of them as people like you and relax and after overcoming your fears, you will be able to talk to them comfortably. Fear is just on the start so you need to get over it.
girls always like the brave guys so i think you might as well just go for it because in the end you don’t really have anything to lose from just going up and talking to a girl.
it’s advised to go to someone that you have spoke to before maybe because then they might think of it better, if you know what i mean.
good luck.
this sounds really unhelpful but it helps me with everything
I just think “whats the worst that can happen?”
If she turns you down, its not the end of the world…if you actually think about that question, there is few things you wont feel brave enough to try
Just do it. That’s all you can do. Feel the fear and do it anyway. And keep doing it until you relax
Wow…that is a problem. Try to talk to the most approachable girl for you. Just talk to her! That’s all, things will snowball.
You SHOULD try to make a girl have a hostile attitude. What you want to do is be an asshole. Plain and simple. But you have to be slick about it. You can either be the smooth player type, the cocky dude who doesn’t give a ****, or the hipster cool type of dude who’s into a bunch of different ****. But the key is, to have that lingering hint of SEX in the air when you talk to women (at least be thinking about sex, and find ways to metaphorically infuse sex into your convo, talk slow with a deep voice, have a VERY serious but sensual look on your face). Don’t say the obvious when you’re talking to chicks, THINK OUTSIDE THE BOX. But whatever you say to A WOMAN should be infused with true sexual energy, it’s called seduction my friend. You want women to think about SEX when they think about you. If a woman thinks about anything other than sex when she thinks about you, she thinks you’re gay, or lame, or weird. And thats not how we players play, ya dig? Also, you should just be trying to have “casual sex” with these girls, not necessarily dating them. My rule is, I have to have sex with a woman before we can have a public date. If you do ask a girl out, ask her out as friend (or get her to ask you out), that-a-way she has to pay for her own ****. THE MOST IMPORTANT RULE: DON’T EVER LET A WOMAN NUETER YOU!! You have to send women mixed signals like for instance, if it’s anything you notice about her thats imperfect (and yes I’m talking about these so called “perfect” girls too) JUST CALL HER OUT ON IT, NOT IN A MEAN WAY, BUT IN A “I LOVE YOU” TYPE OF WAY. If you do all this you can get and keep any woman. Next time, I’ll be talking about the importance of making a woman cummmmmmmmmmmmm!